As a bagpiper, I play at gatherings as varied as weddings and resorts at sunset. This winter a friend of mine, a funeral director asked me to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. No friend or family members could be found. My friend and a minister had kindly offered to provide a simple service at a pauper's cemetery in rural Kentucky.

They asked me to play. Yet I was not familiar with the backwoods. Driving out to the service I got lost and harried, looking for signs. I finally arrived an hour late. The minister had already left it.

Only the backhoe and the gravediggers remained. They were quietly eating lunch.  I felt badly and apologized to them for my tardiness. Yet I was resolved to honor this man in his death, thinking of the many forgotten people like him who had no one to acknowledge their life at the end.

I got out my bagpipes, walked to the side of the fresh grave and looked down.  The vault lid was already in place.

I paused, looked up at the sky, then held up my bagpipes and began to play.

After a few minutes of playing I glanced over and noticed that the workers had put down their lunches and were listening. Suddenly I felt the numinosity of this moment, a connection will this man and all those who are alone in their passing, so I played with all my heart.

Two songs later I started Amazing Grace, letting myself scan the countryside. That’s when I saw the diggers were quietly weeping. Soon, so was I. When I finished, I quietly packed up my bagpipes and started walking back to my car, feeling much more at peace with the world.

As I opened my car door I heard one of the workers exclaim, "Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothin' like that before... and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty-two years."

~ I adapted this from an oft-repeated, apparently anonymous story, shared with me by three subscribers to this blog.

Lesson: Tell a story with a poignant (or other emotion), unexpected twist at the end and it may stick in others’ minds so much that they can’t help sharing it with others.

See the Power of Surprise in Stories of Varying Lengths

1. Some stories with a twist at the end are told in a couple of sentences, sometimes evoking a humorous twist, as when Jon Stewart said, “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

2. Others are longer vignettes like the Bagpiper.

3. Some dip us into another world, in books like Blue Zone, short stories such as O. Henry's, especially his Cabbages and Kings and gripping movies such as Body Double, Body Heat, The Sixth Senseand (my favorite) The Usual Suspects.

Regardless of the length we loved to be surprisedand to share that experience.

Craft Your Repeatable Story to Live a Bigger, More Adventuresome Life in 2011

What phrase, vignette or story could you tell, with an authentic and surprising twist at the end to underpin your description of those you admire, the cause you back, or your profession or product or service you sell?

Make Yourself Memorable

Want to make your story or description so compelling it helps you get what you want in your work or life? By phone, let me help you craft that captivating message. See what others have accomplished in just one hour of coaching. Or consider bringing me to speak at your meeting.

If you found this post helpful you may also be interested in these:

• Become More Frequently-Quoted

• Clever, Kind and Connected (What's your slogan?)

• The Most Vivid Labelers’ Influence

• The Gift That Taught Me How to Design

http://www.fastcodesign.com/1663156/the-gift-that-taught-me-how-to-design?par...

See rest of links to this post here http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2010/01/want-them-to-remember-and-repeat-your-story-1.html

The snow will melt sometime. Want to to kick off your Spring in a way that spurs growth, enables you to  savor time with others and create fresh meaning in your life? Try this ….

Create a Mutually-Reinforcing Group Ritual

For over a decade in Lake Oswego, Oregon, eight women, including my college friend Jane, get of bed to meet at the same corner at 6 am for their rigorous one hour walk. Husbands, children, bosses all know that it is going to happen and to not get in the way.  Sometimes they don’t even talk.

Over the years they’ve walk/talked about an embezzling business partner, son’s first girlfriend, unexpected job promotion and a sick, aging pet Labrador that must be put to sleep that day. Increasingly, over the years they’ve come to see this daily ritual as a stabilizing continuity in their lives. It took several years yet the rhythm of walking, looking around as they talk and the reliability of knowing they will meet each morning has enabled them to ease into increasing candor and caring for each other, and so can you with others.

When they ask for advice they know it will come from women who know them well and who will speak frankly. Contrary to the saying, “familiarity breeds contempt,” instead over time, in a safe group ritual, familiarity breeds acceptance and even reliance on each other.

Let us forget things and consider only relations. ~ Georges Braque

Getting in Action Together Eventually Brings Us Closer

My former husband is in two poker groups that have been meeting in each other’s homes for over 25 years. The players are mostly lawyers.  From upstairs I’d overhear snippets of conversation. In the early years, between poker hands, they’d mostly talk about their legal cases. Later one man got cancer, then another, one divorced, another became a judge. Over time there’s more conversation between hands. Some now fish together. Others share vacations and settled arguments between each other. They’ve been at each other’s birthday parties and attended funerals of three of their fellow players.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.  ~ Lily Tomlin

It’s Never Too Late to Start Your Small Tribe

Group members can nudge each other in supportive ways. Some of the benefits I’ve enjoyed over the years in the two small groups to which I belong include:

• Seeing how wrong I was about first impressions, after getting to know someone better, especially what really matter to them and why they got upset or happy.

•  Discovering, first-hand how the same experience in the group can be seen and felt so differently by each person and recognizing that this happens all the time.

•  Realizing that I learn more about myself from what I react against than from what I am attracted to.

• Recognizing that everyone has hot buttons that hold them back, no matter how confident and calm they appear; and it’s possible to create mutual support in mitigating their power over us.

• Learning how often we discount how much we can accomplish with our best talents; and concrete insights from those who know us well can be a guide to better using them.

• Gaining the rare opportunity to get candid, caring, confidential advice at crucial points in my life.

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

What Helps a Group Feel Closer?

1. Share One Thing in Common

That shared interest provides a safe place to start getting to know each other better. Jane’s walking group lived nearby, are all women and mothers. The poker groups were lawyers and, with one grand exception, all men. For the richest adventure and learning, then seek diverse individuals with backgrounds different than yours.

2. Make it a Priority to Meet Regularly

Group glue begins as we prove to each other that getting together is important and nothing proves that more than turning up.

3. Do Some Things the Same Way Every Time You Meet

Familiarity fosters trust. Jane’s walking group always walks the same route. The poker group host always provides the snacks and drinks.

4. Get in Motion Together

From the beat of our hearts to our gestures and rate of speaking, we literally get more in sync with each other when we are in motion together. That’s why people often agree on things more easily while walking down the hall to the meeting than while sitting in it.  Consequently walking is more powerfully connecting than eating or playing a card game together yet any kind of shared motion builds closeness.

5. Affirm Your Appreciation of the Group

Set aside a time for each person to share what’s been most helpful about the group. Consider sharing this appreciation as an ongoing, private group diary in a google doc or an ongoing email to which each person adds something at regular intervals. Research show that the more actions taken on behalf of a belief the more deeply a person feels about it, speaks about it and will defend it.

“Those who regularly come into contact with people having diverse interests and viewpoints are more likely to come up withinnovative ideas.” ~ Steven Johnson

Launch Your Year Off on an Up Note by Starting a Small Group

1. It is often easier on others in a group if best friends are not part of it. Instead consider including people who, while they share the group’s common interest, are only slightly acquainted. That way the group can begin as Consequential Strangers.

2. Seven members is the best small group size for individuals to get close, according to some research.

3. As you explore the idea of starting a group, consider inviting individuals to get together for some activity such as a meal, walk or attending an event.

4. If they seem to enjoy each other you might then ask them later, one at a time, if they’d like to get together again as a group. If they would (and this is the brave part) ask if they’d like to meet regularly for awhile and collectively get to know each other better.

5. If they do, in fact, share your interest then ask them to discuss how often and what regular time works best and how long they’d like to experiment with the get-togethers.

6. Be clear that, although you started the group, you do not seek to lead it. Instead you hope everyone can participate in co-creating the group. That might include agreeing on:

•  The common interest that gets you started.

•  Some simple ground rules such as confidentiality regarding what’s discussed in the group.

•  A mutual support goal and/or specific ways each member would like to be supported. If you do it will probably change within six months as the group evolves.

•  How you might include motion in the way you meet, such as walking and/or eating around a table together.

“Let’s just keep asking ourselves this question: ‘Is what I’m about to do strengthening the web of connections, or is it weakening it?’” ~ Margaret Wheatley

Hint: Your group does not have to have to be productive. It may simply be. It can take its own course, evolving with the samemembers, meeting in much the same way at regular times. In so doing, you may become close-knit and a vital and meaningful part of each other’s lives. That will be something to celebrate this time next year.

Also consider creating mutual support with these variations:

1. Mutual Mentoring

Partner with another person or form a small group where each person has something to teach the other(s). Agree on the way to mentor each other. For example, in a two-person mutual mentoring arrangement I have, we spend one session focused on my learning and the next session on his learning.

In my mutual mentoring group, we round robin the five-person discussion in a two-part format in each meeting: First each person briefly gives one tip related to their expertise, then one member gives a ten minute briefing on their expertise as it relates to the group’s interest in it, followed by an hour of Q and A.

2. Accountability Buddies

For your top goal for 2011, pick one person who shares that desire – or a different yet specific goal and get specific about:

•  The small steps along the way to accomplish each person’s goal.

•  How you will stay accountable to each other for taking those steps, such as daily by phone.

• What temptations or obligations might get in the way and what you will do to overcome them.

• How you will celebrate together when you each accomplish your goal.

3.  Mutually-Managed Project Team

This follows the same approach as the small group except that it is formed to accomplish one specific task that reflects a sweet spot of strong shared interest by all members. Consequently, each member brings a specific talent to the group that is needed to accomplish the task, all members agree on who is to take the lead on what parts of the project and on a few rules of engagement regarding how they will work together.

Such mutually-managed project teams will grow in popularity for work and for personal and social interests so you may become sought-after as you gain experience in participating in them.

“Because I helped to wind the clock, I come to hear it strike.” ~William Butler Yeats

Here’s to a nourishing new year in spite of and because of the increasing complexity, uncertainty and connectedness of our world.  I look forward to continuing to learn with and from so many of you as I have this past years. Also consider joining in on our Twitter conversation: @KareAnderson See links to this post here http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2011/01/01/one-way-to-nudge-ourselves-into-a-nourishing-new-year-together/

“Enthusiasm is not the same as just being excited. One gets excited about going on a roller coaster. One becomes enthusiastic about creating and building a roller coaster.“ ~ Bo Bennett

Getting enthusiasm is a little like learning to breathe.

Nobody can tell you exactly how to do it, but without it you’re in big trouble. No one but you can discover that compelling purpose or exciting goal that ignites enthusiasm inside you, but you can learn a great deal from noticing how others use it to get more done while savoring their life.

This is what I’ve learned from some real life experts on enthusiasm; what’s more, I’ve tested them in the laboratory of my own life.

"It is faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living." ~ Oliver Wendall Holmes

1. Enthusiasm is born on the inside

In the daily grind of life you can lose touch with what really matters. There are so many routine decisions to make, so many challenges to be met, and so many burdens to carry, that you may get dispirited and act out an unbecoming side in yourself. However, as you connect with the enthusiasm planted deep within you, you’ll feel it begin to grow and grow. Soon, you’ll be back on track.

Hint: It’s not the first mile of a long and arduous journey that gets to you — you’re excited about getting started. And it’s not the last mile — you’re thrilled about getting there.

The miles that can drag you down are the long and tedious ones in the middle where you can’t see where you are coming from or where you are going.

“None are so old as those who have out-lived enthusiasm.”~ Henry David Thoreau

2. Enthusiasm grows when you focus on opportunities, solutions and allies - not problems, circumstances and critics.

Life for you will always be as you choose to see it. Focus your attention on the problems and circumstances that surround you, or keep your eyes on the solutions and opportunities.

I read a story that illustrates this approach. Several farmers in Pennsylvania were sitting in a café, complaining about the increasing cost of electricity and the unpleasant task of disposing of all the waste their cows generated.

But the Waybright brothers and their brother-in-law, who run the Mason Dixon Farms near the town where I went to college, Gettysburg, decided to quit complaining about all the manure the cows were generating, and to do some generating of their own — electricity.

They built a power generator that runs on methane gas produced from heated manure from the 2,000 cows. Generating much of their own power, they cut their annual electricity bill from $30,000 to $15,000.

As you might guess, most of the other farmers laughed at the project and called it “Waybright’s folly” (and other even less flattering names). They were satisfied to see their problems and to seek out their Congressmen to complain about their miserable circumstances.

But no one’s laughing anymore.

In fact farmers and agriculture ministers from around the world beat a path to the Mason Dixon farms. Soon the Waybright brothers were selling some of their excess power to their once jeering neighbors.

Enthusiasm — with all the good things that go with it — comes when you turn your eyes from the problem or circumstance and focus on the solution and opportunity. Cash can buy, but it takes enthusiasm to sell – or otherwise sway or collaborate.

“Enthusiasm is the yeast that raises the dough.” ~ Paul J. Meyer

3. Enthusiasm thrives around positive people

Like smiling, enthusiasm is contagious. Worse yet, negativism and pessimism are far more contagious. It is always easier to believe the worst than to hope for the best — especially if you are struggling against overwhelming odds. It’s even worse when you’re tired, or have just suffered a severe setback.

Don’t waste your creative energies on people who are always putting you and your ideas down. Seek out positive, competent individuals where you can give each other candid feedback – and a boost. Enthusiasm is contagious. Unfortunately, so is the lack of it. .

4. Enthusiasm recharges itself on momentum

Jerry Reed’s popular song of many years ago is apt: “When you’re hot, you’re hot!”

William Shakespeare put similar sentiments into the mouth of Julius Caesar: “There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune, omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries.’”

Enthusiasm comes from the inside out, not vice versa. It’s when you feel most enthusiastic that you need to throw yourself into life’s biggest challenge. Celebrate your greatest victories by plunging into even greater challenges. Take full advantage of the momentum you gain with each hard-earned step.

Nothing feeds enthusiasm like success, and nothing can hold back enough enthusiasm.

See links here http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2010/09/how-do-you-become-genuinely-enthusiastic.html