I am gratified by the 249 comments to this post I wrote for Harvard Business Review and seek your specific tips on quotability, the first step to connecting in this increasingly complex, information-flooded, and connected world:

You can feel the tension in the compressed smiles, quick nods and pointed questions at the annual Morgan Stanley Global Healthcare conference. Schedules are packed as the high-stakes finance crowd gathers to hear 20-minute rapid-fire talks by CEOs of start-ups and public companies who seek funding or favorable stock analysts’ reports.

Presenters speak fast, using complex medical and financial terms.

In contrast, my client, the CEO of a new biotech company walks on stage, rolls up his shirt sleeve, and stops at the center of the stage. As he turns to the audience, he pauses briefly to smile. He raises his bare forearm, pointing at a patch. “When patients put on our medical patch they will feel the pain-relieving effects faster than the latest Porsche can go from zero to 90.”

By linking the speed of the medication’s effect to a Porsche’s acceleration, he evoked the “Compared to what?” conversational cue. We are wired to draw connections between things, even where there aren’t any.

This makes the world seem more understandable, familiar, even safe.

If your “Compared to what?” connection grabs people’s attention, you have set the context in which people will view it and decide upon it, just as a general chooses terrain favorable to winning a battle.

Here are some examples of different ways to craft such a message:

Use a familiar slogan in a fresh way: After a company has spent millions to make a slogan familiar, skew it in a new direction for your intended meaning. Piggybacking on the famous “Got milk?” slogan, the Redwood Hospital in Northern California launched a billboard campaign to seek blood donations with this appeal: “Got blood?”

My friend, Paul Geffner, once owned a chicken take-out joint in San Francisco called Poultry in Motion.

Startle with specifics: “Ten times as much funding is devoted to research on the prevention of male baldness as malaria, a disease that kills more than 1 million people each year,” said Bill Gates on the need for creative capitalism to serve more people.

And venture capitalist John Doerr, who has invested in green technology, likes to say, “We can bail out the economy — we cannot bail out the environment.”

In a TV commercial for outdoor gear maker REI, we see the backs of two women who are sitting atop a peak, taking in the scenery at night, when the announcer intones, “October 28th. Jenny Kruger finds out that even the finest four-star restaurant is no match for one with 4 million stars.”

Add a dash of dry humor: A Cuban, after apologizing because he could not offer his guests anything to eat, explained the consequences of Castro’s Revolution: “The three successes were education, healthcare and sports. Three failures were breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

Now, more than ever, your capacity to create indelible messages is vital. More than money, smarts, social standing, or attractiveness, in this increasingly complex yet connected world, being most frequently quoted can keep you or your brand top-of-mind.

Whoever most vividly characterizes a situation determines how others see it, talk about it, and act on it.

When asked how he managed to write such gripping horror novels, Stephen King once responded, “I cut out the boring stuff,” and so can you. As a journalist, I slogged through more interviews than I care to recall, in which smart newsmakers would often drown in their own generalizations and jargon, despite being desperate to make a point across.

Don’t make that mistake.

The stories that grab us are those with the most vividly apt illustrations.

Interestingness, like a cork, always bobs up to the top of our attention. 

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/12/craft_an_attention-grabbing_me.html

Bring Kare to speak about quotability and connective communication cues to bring out the best side in others and become higher performing and happier -- with others:

http://www.sayitbetter.com/speak/

Accomplishing greater things 

T O G E T H E R

Kare Anderson

Say it Better Center, LLC

415.331.6336 ~ Kare@SayitBetter.com

Talk on Twitter? @kareanderson

http://www.sayitbetter.com/speak

http://www.movingfrommetowe.com

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Years ago a candidate for California Superintendant of Schools repeatedly insinuated that his opponent was lying on her business tax returns and had an affair with a student intern. His charges were immediately disputed by her accountant, the student and several co-workers at her firm.

Not surprisingly, the attacks generated considerable interest in their first televised public debate that provided an unexpected akaido-style lesson for anyone who gets publically attacked.  The debate was moderated by three seasoned reporters who sat at a table in front of the studio audience, facing the candidates who stood on stage behind podiums about ten feet apart.

When the first reporter asked the candidates about their budget priorities, if elected, the critical candidate answered first, emphatically reiterating that he would be transparent and accountable, unlike his opponent, when spending public monies and then repeated his two charges against her, with the TV camera coming in for a close-up of him as he concluded, then swiftly swinging over for a tight reaction shot of his opponent.

Instead of looking upset, she had a mild smile on her face and began by praising him for placing a high priority on public accountability, but she didn’t stop there. She went on to laud him for one of the educational reforms he’d advocated, with which she agreed – all while walking over to stand within two feet of him, alternatively facing the reporters and her opponent.

He looked flummoxed. Because of their close proximity, the camera could easily cover both faces — and did. She went on to say she presumed, because he was so conscientious about transparency, that it was the press of his campaign schedule that had prevented him from reviewing the records she’d sent to him in response to “the issues” he’d raised about her. She then walked calmly back to her podium, with the camera following her, then swinging around to pan across the smiling audience.

When you throw mud you get dirty ~ Adlai Stephenson

As you might anticipate, this videoed interchange became the most viewed and discussed part of the debate.

Let’s delve into the anatomy of what happened and how you can turn false or simply heated attacks against you into opportunities to shine—especially in contrast to your attacker.

This phenomenon is akin to product positioning in advertising. In situations where your critic acts badly towards you, provide a side-by-side comparison. Start with your authentic praise of some aspect of their past actions, followed by your vividly specific characterization of your main differentiating benefit stands in sharp contrast to their behavior and attributes.

Warning: When under attack our first instinct is to flee or retaliate, leading to the possibility that oour behavior will also look unbecoming too.

Still many seasoned politicos say negative campaigning and ads, for example, are effective in attracting votes so they are forced to run them. Some are sleazy and real nasty.

Yet, some researchers disagree with this conventional wisdom, and their findings lend support to the notion of genuinely praising an action or admirable character trait of someone right after they have behaved badly towards you or someone else.

Here’s some recent reinforcement for you to praise the part in someone you genuinely admire — especially when you are tempted, in a heated situation, to “go negative.”

In discussing David Meyer’s book, Intuition: Its Powers and Perils, Gretchen Rubin writes in The Happiness Project, of this rule of human behavior, it “gave me another reason to stop being so critical.”  She adds, “In ‘spontaneous trait transference,’ people spontaneously and unintentionally associate what you say about the qualities of other people with the qualities of you yourself. So if I tell Jean that Pat is arrogant or stupid, unconsciously Jean will associate that quality with me. On the other hand, if I say that Pat is brilliant or hilarious, I’ll be linked to those qualities.”

“Ever wondered why people want to kill the messenger who brings bad news? Blame it on trait transference. Conversely, by specifically and vividly praising others’ actions that you admire, you’ll build your own reputation as well as theirs.

Here’s what also happens.

Whatever behavior you most remark upon in someone else is the trait that person is most likely to exhibit when around you.

We tend to act out the behavior that people have shown they expect to see in us, for good and for bad.

Compliment your husband on his planning that weekend trip (never mind that it is only the second time he has done so in years) and he is more likely to plan more.  ??If he does something that peeves you and you remain silent, rather than commenting, then those irritating behaviors are most likely to dissipate, rather than increase.

Talking or acting against a behavior is akin to underlining a sentence on the page.

You give the thought more energy and memorability. “Underlining” the actions of another with your reactions motivates that person to react to you.    That deepens the rut in the memory road for both of you.  It reinforces a behavioral script you meant to erase.

Such action evokes the Law of Unintended Consequences.  Amy Sutherland wrote about a variation of this effect in her New York Times article, “What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage. “ For weeks her article remained the most popular one the newspaper ran, then resulted in a book deal for her.  In conducting research for her book,Kicked Bitten and Scratched, she sat watching exotic animals trainers work with wild birds, dolphins – and Shamu.

A light bulb went on her mind.  Why not try the same successful animal training techniques on her husband?

Wrote Sutherland, “I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don’t. After all, you don’t get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging. The same goes for the American husband.”

She began what trainers call “approximations,” “rewarding the small steps toward learning a whole new behavior.” (Parents and teachers have been taught to use it with kids, others to overcome phobias — and one person even suggests it for shaping behavior in church.)

Even more startling, perhaps, two studies conducted at the University of Wisconsin seven years ago found that when women spoke generally and positively about a trait that their husbands had not exhibited, at least recently (“Thank you for being so thought as I go through this stressful time at work”) the husbands began exhibiting caring behavior, often using the words she used in praising him.

“Honey, want to talk about your day and let go of some of that stress?”

Here’s the funny thing.

Even though most of us human beings long to be understood and loved for who we are we instinctively put up barriers.  We praise and give others what we like in ourselves and would like to be given. ??That’s the Golden Rule, after all.  ??Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Yet the devil’s in the details – because other people are not you.

Consider, instead a Golden Golden Rule: Do unto others as they would have done unto them. Praise the parts of others they most like in themselves and support them in the ways that most matter to them.

Result?

They will go out of their way to compliment and support you. Rarely will they also follow the Golden Golden Rule back with you however.

That’s not instinctual.

Yet their well-intended positive energy towards you is more likely to bring out the happier, higher-performing side in both of you over time.

Simple put, people like people who like them.

And, as you build trust with that person, you can bring up the Golden Golden Rule and describe the traits (temperament and talents) you most like and value in yourself.

Ask for that person’s support in exhibiting those traits. Describe the kind of verbal and behavioral support that you find most helpful and gratifying.

Now that step represents a golden, golden oppportunity for you both to support and enjoy each other more over time. ??I’m not promising that this will be a smooth path towards mutual understanding and appreciation.

Yet it seems to be easier and more authentic and rewarding than any other alternative I’ve found thus far.  This approach can reduce the misunderstandings that lead to resentment and reaction against others.

It enables you to bring out others’ best side so they can see and support yours. That’s no small achievement, even if it happens just some of the time.   Consider it one more step towards your Learned Optimism and to Stumbling onHappiness.

And, since opportunity is often inconvenient, why not try one of these approaches at your first opportunity — with the next person you encounter —  and tell us what happens? See links at http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2011/12/25/the-hidden-opportunity-in-being-verbally-attacked/

Follow Kare on Twitter @KareAnderson

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To create fresh scenes for your life, view it as a movie story. That’s what Donald Miller did when he wrote A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life.  Screenwriters know that in a movie a Character is What He Does. An Inciting Incident must happen.

If you are restless with your life why not evoke such an incident to turn your next chapter into the kind of adventure story you want for your life? That’s what I’m embarking on, in a halting way. Four friends are on this path with me and it would be great to have you join us.

“Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it,” wrote Hannah Arendt yet we do define ourselves by the spin we put on the stories we tell.

Here are some steps.

1. Recognize the Story of Your Life So Far

How we cobble together the incidents in our lives and create a narrative thread reflects that spin, revealing our hidden personalities and our tendencies suggests psychologist Dan McAdams, author of The Redemptive Self: Stories Americans Live By. To put it starkly, McAdams believes there are two kinds of people.

There are those who view life-altering experiences as “contaminative episodes.” An emotionally positive event suddenly goes bad and that will be the way they replay future incidents.

2. Choose to Put a Positive Spin on Your Stories and Pull Others Closer

“Emotion serves as a central organizing process within the brain,” writes Mindsight author Daniel Siegel.

How we feel about our past affects how we think about describing it – creating an endless loop of repeating scenes and expectations.  Seeing the patterns in our past incidents, choosing to learn from them and rejoicing in that growth can be done most naturally by shifting the theme of the stories we tell others about ourselves.  Move from contaminative to redemptive.

In this shift you create a life-affirming triple win:

1. You begin living from your strengths more often.

2. Others around you are encouraged by this emotional contagion, thus you are helping friends of your friends’ friends to see their life story in a more resilient light.

3. Reflecting resiliency in your storytelling can pull others closer as they are attracted to positivity.

Positively “integrated personal narratives are an important marker of psychological health,” according to Siegel.

Telling your stories from a resilient mindset also helps anchor that attitude in you – and more.

3. Storytelling Creates Connective Tissue Between Us

1. As you tell you often pull out stories from listeners. Stories tend to build upon each other and draw others in. They spark deeper conversations, begin to establish a common ground and build trust through that sharing.

2. Stories, by their nature, are static, action-driven and in sharing them we can move each other to act, to change.

3. Stories help to cultivate empathy, as PJ Manney points out, encouraging others to understand the perceptions and motivations of others including the storyteller.

4. A good storyteller can reduce a complex situation to its essence while cloaking it in emotionally memorable details. In so doing, stories focus our attention.

For example, if you choose to turn the page of your life story to a fresh chapter, a new adventure, you are setting yourself out on a quest. In describing this quest as a story to others, you may pull them into launching their own quest.

Stories are vital to build shared understanding. They help us make sense out of ourselves, each other and the kind of story we want co-create together as we grow our relationship.  Stories are where we create meaning in our days to endure loss and failures to have a redemptive narrative, to savor our life –with others.

See stories as oxygen in your life.

4. Follow Yourself into the Brighter Next Chapter of Your Life Story

A fun way to recognize how to tell your own interesting story is to get interested in exactly what it is about. Take one or two of Russell Davies’ suggestions to recognize what most  interests you. I’ve modified some of them to appeal to my lazy side and perhaps yours.

1. Take at one photo everyday and post it on Flickr or other place you can see your growing collection.

2. Start a daily one-sentence journal.

3. Keep a casual scrapbook – pasting in things you collect and captioning them.

4. Read at least part of a magazine, book or newspaper that outside your usual realm of interest.

5.  Interview someone for 20 minutes and observe the direction of your questions.

6. Collect something

7. Each week sit in a café or other public place for 30 minutes or an hour and listen to other people’s conversations. Take notes.

8. Each week write 50 words about something that stuck in your mind – a movie, building, sculpture, song, etc.

9. Make something and put it where you can see it or give it to the right person. 

 See links to this post at http://www.movingfrommetowe.com and follow Kare on Twitter @kareanderson

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Coincidences are often signs of synchronicity, yet they aren’t as obvious as some you may

 see. Unless you are looking for patterns.   Then you can notice what you are choosing to notice.

Ironically I discovered Daniel Johnson’s article online about meaningful coincidences by accident because he described an incident in which a friend of mine met her husband at a party she had not intended to attend.

Even today that story warms my heart and brought to mind a holiday party this year that I thought I could not attend yet unexpectedly could. There I fell into conversation with two people who will become lifelong friends I feel.

What are the coincidences that startle you?

No one in Beatrice, Nebraska, will forget what happened just prior to church choir practice on March 1, 1950.  All fifteen members of the choir were due at practice at 7:30 p.m. The minister, his wife, and their daughter were delayed when his wife decided to re-iron the daughter’s dress.

One member took longer than he expected to finish his sales report; another couldn’t get her car started; two others lingered to hear the end of an especially involving radio program; a mother and daughter were delayed when the daughter came home late from babysitting; and so on. Ten separate and quite unconnected reasons for fifteen responsible people meant that all would be late that one night. Fortunately, none of them arrived on time at 7:30, because at 7:35 a furnace explosion destroyed the church building. Mathematician Warren Weaver recounted the story in his book, Lady Luck:  The Theory of Probability, calculating the staggering odds against chance for this uncanny event as about one in a million.

What are the stories that reverberate in your mind, then guide you?

Two people set up a woman friend on a blind date, five years apart. They were the only blind dates she ever went on. One was on the East Coast and the second on the West Coast – both with the same man.

A singer’s career changes direction from opera to musicals after he walks into the wrong audition and successfully wins a prime role.

Just when he is feeling particularly alone in the world, a man runs into a close college friend on a remote outpost on a South Pacific island.

In each of these real-life stories, coincidences changed lives. Some coincidences are almost too purposeful and too orderly to be a product of random chance – but then how do we explain them?

Synchronicity is when the coincidence has great meaning for the individuals or people who experience it. When you experience synchronistic events, you might see them as a signal to change your life, especially if you initially resist the message as outside the usual “story” of your life.

We Make Choices Through the Stories That Stick in Our Mind, the Stories We Keep Telling Others

When you meet friends or family at the end of a day, you are often asked first, “How was your day?” Kids ask, “Tell me a story.”  Each of our lives is a story. Synchronistic events call attention to the structure of the story we are living. What if you were a character in the story of your life, but not the only author?

When external events so precisely mirror our own inner state that the impact of a coincidence cannot be ignored or its significance denied, and our lack of control over the events is indisputable, we are faced with the question: If I am not the author of my story, who is? Synchronistic events confront us with the possibility that sometimes the stories we make up about ourselves, the stories we would like to live, are not necessarily the stories we are actually living or – to go a step further - are meant to live. An “odd coincidence” can wake you up and point you in a new, truer direction, rather than the life path you should be on.  Synchronistic experiences can be the turning points in the plot we can use to lead our lives more meaningfully and to experience our fundamental, unavoidable, and potentially much more conscious connection with all others.

Synchronicity Can be a Way to Feel Connected to Others

Synchronicity is emerging as a phenomenon from many directions of study, as diverse as quantum physics, medicine, and astronomy. As Arthur Koestler observes in his book The Roots of Coincidence, synchronicity reflects the presumption of a “fundamental unity of all things,” which transcends mechanical causality and relates coincidence to the “universal scheme of things.”

Synchronicity is when traditional notions of causality are not capable of explaining some of the more improbable forms of coincidence and, further, when no causal connection can be demonstrated between two events but at least one person feels a meaningful relationship exists between them.

According to historian Koestler the human psyche has the capacity to “act as a cosmic resonator.” Some people believe that individuals and the universe “imprint” each other, which leads them to a belief in the ultimate ”oneness” of the universe.

Everything is “interrelated and mutually attuned,” wrote Arthur Schopenhauer.

In exploring the parallels between modern science and the mystical concept of a universal scheme or oneness, Koestler compares the evolution of science during the past 150 years to a vast river system in which each tributary is “swallowed up” by the mainstream, until all are unified in a single river-delta. The science of electricity, he points out, merged during the 19th century with the science of magnetism. Electromagnetic waves were then discovered to be responsible for light, color, radiant heat and Hertzian waves, while chemistry was embraced by atomic physics.

The control of the body by nerves and glands was linked to electrochemical processes, and atoms were broken down into the “building blocks” of protons, electrons, and neutrons. Soon, however, even these fundamental parts were reduced by scientists to mere “parcels of compressed energy-packed and patterned according to certain mathematical formulae.”

What all this reveals, then, is that there might be what Koestler refers to as “the universal hanging-together of things, their embeddedness in a universal matrix.” Many ecologists subscribe to this sense of interrelation in the world – what the ancients called the “sympathy” of life.  Some scientists are moving to this worldview.

Nobel Prize winner Ilya Prigione studies the “spontaneous formation of coherent structures” — how chemical and other kinds of structures evolve patterns out of chaos.

Karl Pribram, a neuroscientist at Stanford University, proposed that the brain might be a type of “hologram,” a

pattern and frequency analyzer that creates “hard” reality by interpreting frequencies from a dimension beyond space and time. That means the physical world “out there,” is, in Pribram’s words, “isomorphic with” (the same as) the processes of the brain.

If the modern alliance evolving between quantum physicists, neuroscientists, and others is not just a short-fused phase in scientific understanding, a paradigm shift may be imminent. We might come to see a new image of the universe, that it functions not as some great machine but as a great thought – unifying matter, energy, and consciousness.

Thus, the synchronicity you see can be the confluence of forces that you, well-connected to others, are using to guide you on a fruitful path of wise choices. That could be a comforting belief for mindful “us” to carry into the year 2010.

We Aren’t Crazy to Fear Losing Control

Synchronous events can be unnerving because they show we do not have complete control over our life patterns, and we, like all animals, fear the apparent loss of control in our lives. The fear of losing control (as when we experience coincidences that cannot be explained) makes our emotional lives threatening to our rational minds. It also challenges the assumption that we are separate from each other.

If we are open to feelings, we can feel not only our own feelings but the feelings of others as well. We then “know” that we affect each other in ways of which we cannot be completely aware.

Synchronicity brings us in direct contact with the collective unconscious, where we are in danger of losing our own standpoint while realizing the common pool of connection.

The’re Great Comfort in Feeling Connected

Theologian Rudolf Otto described “numinosity” as that experience we have when we feel we are undeniably, irresistibly, and unforgettably in the presence of the Divine – our experience of something that transcends our human limitations. This heightened quality of feeling that accompanies synchronistic events is their most striking characteristic.

If synchronicity is, above all, a connecting principle, then the quality of feeling produced by a synchronistic event – the numinosity and psychic energy it evokes – is the medium by which such a connection is made. The symbolism of a specific incident of synchronicity shows you the place in the story of your life where you are connected with all other human beings.

What You Can Do With Synchronicity

• Have a clear vision of your path in life, and be equally open to seeing the coincidences that “tell” you to consider another direction.

• Notice how meaningful coincidences reveal your inevitable connection with everyone, even those you do not “know,” and thus you must …

• Be aware that every action you take has immediate and continuing effects on many people, even those you might never meet face-to face.

• When coincidences happen, especially those that have an emotional impact, consider what special meaning they have for you regarding your beliefs, especially about who you are and what you “should” or could be doing.

• Become more conscious of:

- What you most value

- The best gifts you have to offer the world

- What you can let go and stop trying to do or be

-How many things are outside your control, no matter how hard you try.

-How you are often supported by a common river flow of other people, if you can just recognize their commonality in the symbolism of the synchronistic events that happen in your life.

Prepare Yourself for Helpful Change

Synchronistic events are often “wake-up calls” for you to make a change in your life. How do you work with synchronicity? Be open to the meaning in what you did not want to happen. Set aside your agenda, and consider that your story should take a different turn. Consider the possible symbolism for you in the incident.

If you are in a work or personal relationship, consider the real reason you are together, what you are to learn. See how you can use the experience to tame your ego, to move to a larger perspective.

Do not rely on your own ability to control and manage events, people, and objects. The most creative and effective part of your work can emerge only when you lay aside your own agenda and permit randomness to have a place in the story of your livelihood.

If you resist the meaning of a synchronistic event, you are likely to experience similar ones again and again, until you face the meaning.

Most every movement forward in life has three parts:

1. Recognition that the current situation no longer fits or works. An event can make this clear. When the event is synchronistic, we see that there might be more to our story than we thought before. Events that might be frightening or bad are, in fact, openings to a new life.

2. We enter a state of confusion and transition. We imagine how things might be different.

3. Then something happens. We get some help, our feelings become clearer. An opportunity presents itself. We take some action, and we move to a different, more satisfying way of being.

Our lives are full of meaningful events we deliberately set out to cause for ourselves in pursuing work and relationships. These are intentional actions.

Synchronistic events, however, by their very accidental nature, urge upon us another truth about our lives – a truth that we are in the habit of ignoring – that the meaning of our lives, the plot of our life stories, is not written simply by what we know about ourselves but comes from a much deeper place, from our innately human capacity to experience wholeness through living life in more aware connection with others.

When an ”accidental” twist of fate reorganizes our lives and shows us something we did not expect, we have two choices:

1. Numb out, ignore it, and move on so we’ll bump into a variation of it again and again, until we take notice.

2. Notice what it means for us and become more truly alive and connected with each other. Which patterns of accidental meetings and conversations with others stay uppermost in your mind?  How can they guide you to open the next chapter of the adventure story you want for your life now? See links here: http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2011/09/02/see-synchronicity-as-signaling-the-next-chapter-of-adventure-you-seek-with-others/-2109  Talk on Twitter @kareanderson          

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Invite the Unexpected for a More Adventuresome Life... With Others

Odd things can happen when hanging out with those who don’t act right, like you. I got unexpected insights when, with two

 friends, I walked through the Steins Collection of paintings by Matissse, Picasso and other avant-garde painters in bohemian Paris.

In most every gallery room one friend would sit on the bench in the middle of the gallery, then casually look down. I didn’t understand at first. He was deep in thought, I surmised at first. Yet actually he was closely observing the shoes people were wearing, and there was a wild variety in this art-loving crowd.

Following his eyes I saw footwear as diverse as laced up-to-mid-thigh, purple velvet boots to topless sandals. They must have been glued to the soles of the woman’s feet.

Otherwise I might not have noticed that one doesn’t see many shoes in these paintings. Faces appear more often.  Yet, when looking at a Picasso, my friend was immediately reminded of  shoes he’d seen just before we’d entered the museum.

Meanwhile my other friend would describe the emotions he saw in faces in the paintings, and on people around us, commenting on their possible personalities. As you probably anticipated by now, what my friends saw  — and did not see  –  depended on the lens through which they viewed the world. One friend is a shoe designer, visiting from Milan. The other is a trial lawyer who is accustomed to sizing up clients, judges, witnesses and potential jurors. Sharing that experience through their eyes was a considerably richer, more multi-faceted experience. In fact, when we continued our lively conversation over coffee in the adjacent café, two pediatricians at a nearby table, in town for conference, joined in the conversation.

Discover Lessons for Not Living a Narrow Life

Forget passive entertainment and learning. Would you like to live a more adventuresome life where you:

• Stumble across new ideas that dovetail with the life you want to lead yet didn’t realize it until you experienced “scenes” you want to repeat?

• Attract serendipitous opportunities?

• Have meaningful conversations with acquaintances that sometimes become friends?

• Create your own fun with others?

Here are some lessons I’m slow in learning yet that have made life more fascinating

1.  Overcome Attention Blindness

We tend to see life through the lens of our work and life experiences.  That means we miss a lot. “As long as we focus on the object we know, we will miss the new one we need to see,” says Cathy Davidson, author of Now You See it.

2.  See How Differences Can Spur Fresh Insights and Innovation

One fun way to overcome that blindness is to share new experiences with individuals quite different than you in work, life experience, temperament and values.  The color commentary you share as you see that art exhibit together, or prototype a new product or collectively plan an event or place can broaden the landscape you see in the moment and for the rest of your lives.

3.  Speak to the Glue of Greater  Adventure or Accomplishment

Even better, if you share a sweet a spot of mutual interest in the activity you and your colleagues may nudge each other into staying connected and even co-creating something new.  That sweet spot can be strong glue for your group. As The Difference author, Scott E. Page, and Group Genius author Keith Sawyer both discovered, a small, diverse group can collectively innovate better than a team of of individuals with more similarities than differences.   If  my two friends and I had realized that we  were all fascinated by design and human behavior we could have discussed that upfront, before entering the museum and perhaps had an even more meaningful time – explicitly speaking  to those share sweet spots of mutual interest.  We do now when we seek out new experiences to share.

4.  Retrieve an Atrophied Part of Your Character

When engaged in conversation with individuals who do not know you, as we did in the museum café, you can express ideas that close friends might dispute or even not hear because they do not expect them from you.  YAs Melinda Blau explained in Consequential Strangers, this gives you the opportunity  to deepen a facet of your character or explore a latent interest when in lively conversation with people who have no preconceived expectations of you.

5. Seek Out Those From Whom You May Learn the Most

The kind of individual from whom you can learn the most is also an ideal kind of dinner guest or committee member or teammate. That person is T-shaped, as Collaboration author Morten Hansen somewhat antiseptically describes this priceless trait for our increasingly complex yet connected world. Such individuals have both a deep mastery of a topic (the vertical line of a “T”) and an open, curious mind — they enjoy learning from others (the horizontal line of the “T”). I am presuming theyalso tend to have a flexible rather than a fixed mindset.

A gentle warning here. Even when we see ourselves  — and our colleagues in front of us — as open and curious people we don’t act right around each other.

6. Hone Your Capacity to Thrive Around People Who Don’t Act Right – Like You

Since our assets spring from different outlooks, it behooves us to keep reminding each other:

• We do not see the same situation the same way

• “The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.” ~ Niels Bohr

•  We get to be learners and teachers for each other, and that means changing roles more often than we do in most situations, an uncomfortable behavioral shift for many of us.

• Some individuals are givers more than takers, others are the reverse. Yet to enjoy the next chapter of your life story with more disparate characters in it – the most likely path to greater adventure, you must become — and be in the company of — people who want more or less equal give and take over time.  Absent that factor power is not perceived to be equally shared that that inevitably creates conflict as the classic Tit for Tat game studies proved.

• More than leaders, diverse people, gathered around a common interest, must become deep listeners, committed – not to being right or in control but to sticking to a common conversational thread.

That’s a different discipline.

It takes practice and patience. I am not good at it yet am eager to keep learning.

What ways have you learned to see the world in fresh ways, through your experiences with others? I’d love to know. See links at http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2011/08/21/invite-the-unexpected-for-a-more-adventuresome-life-with-others/ and talk on Twitter at @kareanderson

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Online Communities and Traditional Clubs Can Learn From Each Other

POSTED BY KARE ANDERSON IN FRIENDSHIP, LOCAL, MEETINGS, MEMBER, MENTOR, PEER2PEER, SHARING, VISUAL, BEHAVIOR,COMMUNITY ON JUNE 26, 2011

Even Michael Skoler who leads Public Radio International’s interactive activities was surprised by the huge turnout for Ira Glass’ live version of his popular radio show, This American Life.

Wrote Gigaom’s Mathew Ingram, “More than 30,000 watched the first digital show at hundreds of theaters across the U.S. and Canada in the spring of 2008. The next year, 47,000 turned out. They came to be with other fans, experiencing something they all loved together.”

Hint: Host a road tour or gatherings where your online community members can meet face-to-face and collectively hear from their stars, their most valued members.  Unlike associations and civic clubs, many online communities haven’t provided an opportunity for in-person conversations and celebrations.

Conversely many of the traditional clubs aren’t maximizing their opportunity for members to socialize and to learn from members in other chapters – both online and in-person. As sister chapters and organizations get networked via the opportunity to see meet online and in-person, diverse ties deepen. Serendipitous friendships, breakthroughs and collaboration are more likely to happen.

What if, for example, Rotary International invited its members to create short video stories about their inspiring, first-hand experience in civic projects in their community and in other parts of the world? Next, what if Rotary, asked members to vote for their favorite video stories?

Then Rotary could host its own multi-city, simultaneous “film festival.” Invite members and their family and friends to gather locally in public auditoriums, homes and theatres to see and talk about those favorites.

Right afterwards it might host an online, vote-this-hour, People’s Choice contest so that worldwide audience could choose their Top Ten.

With Rotary’s squeaky clean, altruistic image, I’m thinking that many major companies would leap at the chance to underwrite the costs and/or provide the technical support to make this community-building dream come true.

Consider how instructive, heart-warming and member and media attracting that could be for a member-based organization with chapters.

Of course other diverse organizations with avid members, stories to tell and a strong sense of community

 could emulate their version of this approach.

Off the top of my head, those organizations  include the Westminister Kennel Club’s dog show, college and corporate alumnae organizations, Student Youth Tour Association in partnership with high schools, and the Cyclists’ Touring Club in the UK.

One of the smartest moves a company could make would be to launch and host an online community that becomes the most popular place for its kinds of customers to join, exchange ideas, co-create and otherwise collaborate.

To strengthen ties, understanding and value between members and between the company and members, that firm would, of course, host in-person events in formats that most serve that kind of community’s interests.  Those formats can be as varied as talent contests, mutual mentoring sessions, speed consulting, Pecha Kucha, Ignite or collectively viewing and voting on their favorite, member-created videos on the topics that brought them together.

A company-hosted online community that includes in-person events could be competition for some associations, accustomed to controlling the programs for their members, inviting “vendors” to pay to play yet often not giving them much of a say on how to participate for the greater good of members and vendors.

Have you heard of inventive ways that members of online communities are meeting in-person?

Do you belong to a club, association or other organization?  How could it bring members closer by enabling them to enjoy meeting both online and in face-to-face gatherings?

See more ideas on Moving From Me to We http://www.movingfrommetowe.com and t

alk on Twitter? @Kareanderson

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That saying “familiarity breeds contempt” may be true. We tend to take loved ones for granted, no matter how well-intended. Yet it is equally true that familiarity breeds acceptance.  Thus it is easier to stick a new idea in someone’s mind if you can attach it to something familiar – an existing memory. So....

Become more quotable by employing this Familiarity Effect

Here are two ways:

1. Piggyback your characterization on top of a familiar concept or saying.

Reid Hoffman, founder of LinkedIn and an investor in other successful online networks gave this advice: “Social networks do best when they tap into one of the seven deadly sins. Facebook is ego. Zynga is sloth. LinkedIn is greed.”

2. What familiar and respected product embodies the valuable trait for which you want your product to be remembered?

Plum wants to be the Netflix of baby clothes. Instead of buying clothes for your child, rent them then return the clothes when they are outgrown, and get a new set.

Here's a third hint. Let others be the stars in your story.

People are more likely buy your idea or product if they are placed in a situation where they can be the experts, exploring the topic their way.  Better yet, enable them to gain bragging rights, proving themselves right – in front of others - in their choice to buy from you or to support you.

Imagine, for example, the astonishment of the staff  -- and the sommelier -- at Bone’s, an Atlantic steak house 

when they started handing dining guests iPads at the table, loaded with a copy of the wine list. 

Purchases of wine, shot up 11 percent. Mused Mr. Reno, the sommelier, “With the information on the device, they seem more apt to experiment by buying a different varietal or going outside their price range.

It stuns me, but they seem to trust the device more than they trust me, and these are people I’ve waited on for 10 years.”

Or, perhaps diners feel more comfortable and confident, looking at various wines themselves and discussing them at the table. The key here is that they get to be the expert. 

Hint: Let others take charge of your message, tweak it for their needs and thus sell themselves on it. 

Entertainment mogul, Peter Guber, is a passionate believer in the power of a purposeful narrative. That means sharing a story that is meaningful to others, leaving ways for them to jump in and become an important part of that story. 

In Tell to Win, he gives many examples of how people love to tell others about a story in which they have a great role. Surrender your story to their re-working of it, rather than correcting them, and they will re-tell it with passion and conviction.

Organizations as diverse as LEGO and the S.F. Giants, and individuals as diverse as Nicholas Kristof and Tony Hsiehhave attracted passionate supporters, in part, by letting others take over their story to re-tell it in their own way.

Surrendering your vivid story in which we can play a meaningful role can probably spread it farther, faster and in more directions than you can on your own.  What story are you sharing that will pull me in? I am eager to hear it - and your insights about now to nudge us to participate with you. Let's continue the conversation at @KareAnderson and  at http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2011/06/get-them-involved-and-telling-others.html

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Even Michael Skoler who leads Public Radio International’s interactive activities was surprised by the huge turnout for Ira Glass’ live version of his popular radio show, 

This American Life.

Wrote Gigaom’s Mathew Ingram, “More than 30,000 watched the first digital show at hundreds of theaters across the U.S. and Canada in the spring of 2008. The next year, 47,000 turned out. They came to be with other fans, experiencing something they all loved together.”

Hint: Host a road tour or gatherings where your online community members can meet face-to-face and collectively hear from their stars, their most valued members.  Unlike associations and civic clubs, many online communities haven’t provided an opportunity for in-person conversations and celebrations.

Conversely many of the traditional clubs aren’t maximizing their opportunity for members to socialize and to learn from members in other chapters – both online and in-person. As sister chapters and organizations get networked via the opportunity to see meet online and in-person, diverse ties deepen. Serendipitous friendships, breakthroughs and collaboration are more likely to happen.

What if, for example, Rotary International invited its members to create short video stories about their inspiring, first-hand experience in civic projects in their community and in other parts of the world? Next, what if Rotary, asked members to vote for their favorite video stories?

Then Rotary could host its own multi-city, simultaneous “film festival.” Invite members and their family and friends to gather locally in public auditoriums, homes and theatres to see and talk about those favorites.

Right afterwards it might host an online, vote-this-hour, People’s Choice contest so that worldwide audience could choose their Top Ten.

With Rotary’s squeaky clean, altruistic image, I’m thinking that many major companies would leap at the chance to underwrite the costs and/or provide the technical support to make this community-building dream come true.

Consider how instructive, heart-warming and member and media attracting that could be for a member-based organization with chapters.

Of course other diverse organizations with avid members, stories to tell and a strong sense of community

 could emulate their version of this approach.

Off the top of my head, those organizations  include the Westminister Kennel Club’s dog show, college and corporate alumnae organizations, Student Youth Tour Association in partnership with high schools, and the Cyclists’ Touring Club in the UK.

One of the smartest moves a company could make would be to launch and host an online community that becomes the most popular place for its kinds of customers to join, exchange ideas, co-create and otherwise collaborate.

To strengthen ties, understanding and value between members and between the company and members, that firm would, of course, host in-person events in formats that most serve that kind of community’s interests.  Those formats can be as varied as talent contests, mutual mentoring sessions, speed consulting, Pecha Kucha, Ignite or collectively viewing and voting on their favorite, member-created videos on the topics that brought them together.

A company-hosted online community that includes in-person events could be competition for some associations, accustomed to controlling the programs for their members, inviting “vendors” to pay to play yet often not giving them much of a say on how to participate for the greater good of members and vendors.

Have you heard of inventive ways that members of online communities are meeting in-person?

Do you belong to a club, association or other organization?  How could it bring members closer by enabling them to enjoy meeting both online and in face-to-face gatherings? Let's continue the conversation at Twitter @kareanderson See links at http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2011/06/26/online-communities-and-traditional-clubs-can-learn-from-each-other/

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To heal a bitterly divided nation, Nelson Mandela characterized “our” goal of bringing the World Cup to South Africa in his motto,

When the priest moved to a new parish he approached his superior to ask, "Would you mind if I smoked while praying?" and was, not surprisingly, turned down.

Even if you, too, are an ardent non-smoker, it is wise to learn how to ask in a way that enables others to agree. For example, the priest might have said, "Would you mind if I pray while I am smoking?"

Setting the context with your initial comments is akin to dressing in the fashion that the people you are going to be around will approve or even admire, while still being true to yourself. 



The more you look and act different than me, the more my peripheral vision narrows initially.  Further my skin temperature will go down and my heart beat up in anticipation of the possible need for flight. 

That is because the primitive triune part of our brains has not changed. We are forever hardwired to respond to new, unfamiliar situations with the "fight or flight" syndrome.

  Our vital signs literally shut down when we are first around a person, setting or situation that is radically different, unfamiliar thus initially potentially dangerous, until we have decided how we feel about our situation.



You can pull people closer, and bring out their better side so they can see and appreciate yours. In fact, this is probably the most meaningful gift you can give someone else, other than the present of your warm presence.

Continuously praise others' specific actions you admire, however small they may seem to you. People eventually warm up to your evident warmth. Authentically praise to inspire happier, high-performing behavior in others and yourself.

1. Praise someone directly. 
Whatever you praise you want to flourish. 
The more specific your words, the more memorable your message. 
Describe the actual act in as much rich detail so you honor the person in acknowledging how vividly it affected you.

2. Even more powerfully, compliment the person to one or more people who are very important to them.  My client, the CFO of a Berlin-based maker of wireless portal equipment named Punjabi, has had a rugged and quite successful third year of operation where everyone has worked long hours. 

Instead of handing out the ten top team awards in the traditional way, at a company event, the CEO took the time to find a significant group related to each of the winners. 

For those winners the groups included a place of worship, a rugby club, a college alumnae organization and an antique car association. 

With the permission of these organizations, the CEO arranged to give the award and an eight-minute speech, describing both the winner's accomplishments at Punjabi and a specific incident where the winner exemplified the heroic character of a true team player. 

Thus each (surprised) winner got to bask in the spotlight in front of valued people in her or his non-world world. 

The CEO's greater effort also put his company in a genuinely positive light in many new places.  Although it did not appear that any of the people who saw their friends receive the award were immediate, potential customers of Punjabi, they were sufficiently inspired to stir some positive word-of-mouth buzz about the awards ceremonies.

A month after these ceremonies a feature writer for the equivalent of the "lifestyle" section of the main Berlin paper heard the story through a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend who was a rugby player with her husband.  Not one to be interested in business stories, she was nevertheless touched by the way the ceremonies had rippled out to surround the winners' lives. 

She tracked down the CEO and interviewed him, thus affording him another chance to speak glowingly about specific examples of his winners' dedication and ingenuity.  As he praised each person, the glow of the values he admired reflected back on him and his company. 

The reporter also interviewed the winners and several of the people at the organizations where the awards events occurred and then wrote a human interest story that appeared, with photos, in a Sunday edition. 

The article generated several glowing letters to the editor by people who witnessed the ceremonies, the winners and others who were also moved by the story. Mr. John Sunui, vice president of sales for Singapore-based construction management company happened to read some of the letters in the paper while eating his breakfast in a hotel while in Berlin on business. 

Sunui emailed the reporter to request a copy of the original article that the reporter emailed back the next day and he received when he returned to Singapore. 

That December holiday in Singapore -- and 14 other countries where Sunui's company has offices, both the office director and one person in each office who has done an outstanding job at their work, as voted by their co-workers, will be happily surprised when they walk in the door at some place that is special to them to be greeted by a company representative who will give them a present and tell a story about another side of the winner that their friends in that organization may not know about. 

How can you give a lasting and perhaps the most widely-known gift that ten people you admire can receive?   For each person think of the specific incident where that person has exemplified the quality that you most admire or cherish.  

Re-play the situation in your mind so you can describe it in all its story-building, touching detail. 



Practice saying the story, then notice how you now feel about the person. Begin with the specific details before you end with the general statement that summarizes your admiration.  That way, you make the story, and the person, more vividly memorable to others who read or hear it.



Next step: for each person envision what group to which they are affiliated (family, religious organization, hobby or other interest or professional group, etc.) would be most significant for that person if you were to praise them among the members. You have several ways to pass along your praise about the person you love or admire. 

Call, email or write to someone in that person’s valued affinity group and share your story of praise.  Or you may, like the people in the story above, ask for permission to confer a gift on the person at a gathering of their group.

 In advertising this method is called a "third party endorsement." 

For example, when customers praise a product in an advertisement they are providing a credible third party endorsement.  Because we are all instinctive voyeurs, naturally interested in the stories of each other's lives we are more drawn to third party endorsements than to advertisements. 

Further, when we hear a positive story about someone, told by another person we find it more credible and compelling than if the person was to "boast" about it in telling it himself.



Here are other ways to offer heartfelt, long-lasting third party endorsement gifts to those you hold dear: 

Donate money or another gift to a charity or cause in which that person is active, and ask that your story about them be included in any acknowledgement of the gift.   

Seek out places that person frequent and see if you might buy a needed piece of equipment or repair in that person's name. 

In our Sausalito church, for example, you can pay for a hymnal and dedicate it with a related phrase, to someone you love. So every Sunday, someone at my church opens up a hymnal with this hand calligraphic message on the inside front, dedicated to my mother who loves piano music, "To Lestelle whose piano playing washes away the dust of everyday life."



On an object that person might uses frequently (coffee mug, bath towel, key holder) imprint or monogram a positive nickname or one phrase characterization of the "hero's" action. 

To my English rugby-playing friend, Richard, we're giving a glass beer stein with these words etched on the bottom, "Great giver of bone-crushing hugs."



Make a large, colorful postcard on which you write a description of the positive incident involving your hero, then ask your colleagues who agree to join in signing it before sending it to that person's home.

Give a gift to the person's partner in work or personal life, as an acknowledgement of your admiration.


Make a banner or poster, with a celebratory sentence and an enlarged and flattering image of the hero and hang it in a prominent place (wall or door of the person's office, home or event).

Find a place the person frequents (dry cleaner, golf club) and offer the business manager at that site your credit card number with a set dollar limit. Ask the manager to pay the next bill of your hero, fax you a copy of the bill, and hand the manager a gift card with your inscription on it to be given to the hero at their next visit.

(You’ll create your own variation of this method, I'll bet.)  

Two years ago I learned that Janice, a skilled meeting planner who had hired me to speak at her association several times over the years, and who was exceptionally gracious and generous with me, had contracted leukemia. I learned this from her assistant who called to confirm some details regarding my next presentation at their annual meeting.

On a long plane flight back from another speaking engagement, I looked out the window, thinking of Janice, and conjured up this idea for a third party endorsement of the Hawaiian-born meeting planner which would reflect one of her most passionate interests, gardening. I called the association's executive director to share my idea and he immediately agreed.



Two months later, just after I was introduced to speak at that association's convention's opening breakfast, I moved to the center of the raised stage, signaling the 500 attendees to also rise from their seats as the board president caught the elbow of our surprised meeting planner, Jana, who at the bottom of the stage steps, still focused on making sure the room lighting would be alright for my speech. 

He guided her up the steps as I stepped back to the side of the stage and the first person in the audience, roving mike in his hand told a vignette of how Jana had guided him at the beginning of his career.  As Jana reached the center of the stage, in front of the people she had served for 14 years, eight other people in various parts of the room lifted their mike and told their brief story about her.

Then a tenor saxaphone player stepped out from the side of the stage to serenade Janice with a fragment of her favorite Kenny G song as the screen on the stage was filled with purple words on an emerald green (her favorite colors) background, "Jana is a special flower" followed by a swift changing set of images of Janice in several situations. 



As the song ended, on cue, all 500 people pulled from out of their pockets and purses the fragrant Hawaiian-grown white flowers, the gardenias, tuber roses and pikaki and held them aloft towards Jana.  The board president handed Jana a bouquet of the flowers and asked Jana to speak, which she did, briefly, through her tears. 



Even several of the hotel waiters were standing still, crying by then.  (My speech had, of course, been moved to the luncheon so people could drop by Jana's table to say their warm greetings through the ensuing breakfast.
) 

Let's talk at @kareanderson

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Publishers are slowly waking up to the fact that their “greatest challenge” “in the digital age” is discoverability,

To be more easily discovered, hone  these seven traits:

1. Be the easiest to find on any screen, from online to mobile apps -- created by others or by your business. Increasingly those are the first two places we look for something. Theninvolve others in your story so they can become part of it, remix it and tell others, as Peter Gruber suggests.  That makes it more discoverable.

And that’s why the collaborative video editing community, Stroome is rapidly growing. It enable people to share and remix video, often turning it into something greater they want to share. Imagine partnering with one or more people there to co-create a video related to your content. TEDxUSC, for example, partnered with Stroome to create a video scavenger hunt for their event. 

2. Be the most recommended online. What specific kinds bragging rights and other benefits accrue to those who tout your organization? Keep finding more ways to reward authentic, high-quality testimonials.

3. Host the most popular online community for people to share and compare ideas on why and how to use the products or services they can get from you. This isn’t relevant to some businesses yet it is to any that sell a variety of products or services from multiple vendors. Plus any member-based group from clubs to civic groups and professional associations.

4. Offer a Netflix-like feature that also allows buyers, renters or members to make recommendations and to easily see what is most popular with those who share your tastes. Enable recommenders to make their name visible, if they wish, so they can build reputation as they can at GoodReads or, more simply, via a “Like” feature. Such social features generate value for the host of the online community as well as for the most popular contributors.

According to Paid Content, Google eBookstore appears to be planning a Netfix-like e-book rental service. Your business, too, can become more discoverable and can keep people involved using a recommendation system that builds participants’ reputations.

5. Sell More Digital Content

If you sell content of any kind, turn it digital, if you haven’t yet done so. If you sell a physical product, sell and/or give away related guides, games, situation-specific advice and sponsor online contests to pull the best advice out experts who sell to the same kind of people, your current or prospective customers or suppliers.

Offer prizes, from your business and from others who want to reach your kind of customer. Make the names of winners highly visible on your site, not just when they win but forever. Shine a spotlight on them in other parts of their lives and reflect in the glow of expanded exposure for everyone. Do this by asking participants, “ What other organizations and individuals shall we notify when you win?”

6. Adopt the Easiest Way to Sell the Same Content to More People

Translate your content (guide, reference, course, etc.) into other languages. That may appear obvious yet here’s the facts that may spur you to act sooner, if you have not already: Barnes & Noble’s foreign-language e-books are now growing faster than their sales of English e-books—increasing over 100 percent each month, according to Patricia Arancibia who manages international content for the bookseller. That’s a strong indication there may be pent-up demand for other kinds of content, from vocation-specific learning course material to product ordering catalogues.

For starters, try Spanish. 50.5 million Hispanics live in the United States, according to the 2010 census. That’s 16.3% of the population and more than half of our nation's growth in past decade.

7. Provide the Best Value and Price in Real Time

Establish the capacity to swiftly change prices. Writes Owen, “When Perseus Books Group set out to learn more about pricing, Joe Mangan, COO, said they realized how little they knew about it: ‘Online retailers were repricing books every two or four hours.’”

8. Enable People to Get Something Done Better, Faster and Easier -- so More People Choose to Do it

Join forces with other businesses and organizations that serve the same situation. For example many people would enjoy a flower garden or other landscaping around their home or on their condo balcony. Yet more people might get one if the service was seamless. That is, they could go online, guided by experts and other user recommendations to buy the native plants that work best in their area.

Some might also want to have a landscape plan drawn up, one that includes a checklist of what to buy. Clicking to another part of the online community buyers might select the nursery, delivery options and gardeners to plant and/or maintain the garden – plus related professionals, from fence and patio makers to arborists. Such an online community enables buyers to make smarter decisions faster.

Happy buyers --- and the vendors that serve them – may proudly post online their dramatic “before and after” photos. Most active recommenders and/or biggest spenders may get bonus gifts from one or more of the participating suppliers that gain visibility by making offers that cite those gifts.

Such a local online community might be hosted by a national firm that makes, say, plant food. That corporation might have a templated online community design built that can be modified for different locales. The corporation hosts the online community for local nurseries, landscapers and gardeners to join, as well as for the individuals they seek to serve. The company gains visibility as the major underwriter and manager of the online community. It could post legal language to prevent liability from the members’ information or service provided. It would provide, multiple online ways for buyers and providers to offer ideas and recommendations.

What are other online methods to make an organization more discoverable? I’d love to hear your real life examples and your “what-if” dream scenarios. 

Share ideas with me on Twitter at @kareanderson

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Dog lovers, civic-minded coders, Civil War buffs and cyclists have two things in common.

They are ardent about their special interest and thus they are more likely to be active in an online community.

They want to share their experiences and know-how with others who feel as passionate as they do about their special interest.

Some want more.  They’d like to lead like-mind folks or to team-up around shared experiences and/or accomplish something greater related to their interest.

Like hosting the hottest party everyone wants to attend, why not start the most popular online community that best serves the people who share your passionate interest? Like you, they are intrinsically motivated to meet, demonstrate expertise, learn from each other and belong to a tribe around their hot interest.  In hosting an online community you can accelerate your learning and friendships  — with others.

1.  Delight members in ways that attract funding from company sponsors

A. Such sponsors could, instead of providing traditional advertising, make special offers of free products “available to members-only” to those who are willing to give feedback on those products.

B. Company sponsors can also provide eCoupon-based prizes for winners of members-only contests.

For example, start an online community for kayakers where they vote, each month for their favorite, member-contributed tips related to themed contests such as best dinner-by-the-river meals. All members get a set number of votes. The top ten most popular contributors in each contest might get eCoupon prizes from REI, Trader Joe’s and others.

Providing eCoupons as prize providers is one of the most compelling, credible and cost-effective ways for companies to be visible in key niche markets and to pull winners through their doors, perhaps getting something else they see, as they redeem their coupons.

Such contests serve you as community host because they:

•  Attract new members

• Keep members engaged

• Inspire members to contribute high-quality, relevant tips

• Attract bloggers and your kind of media coverage as contests announcements are inherent news hooks

• Increase the total prize value over time as more members participate, creating a virtuous circle of ever larger membership and prize value.

2. Make your community top-of-mind in your niche

Here’ are four ways to become the go-to place for the people you want to attract and involve in your community.

Make your community the:

1. Only group serving your kind of interest, and/or
2. Biggest
3. Most exclusive
4. Best at something such as hosting a conference, fair, tradeshow, speed consulting or other kind of event.
   

Alternatively your community might be designed to offer and attract the best content or unique and valued service.

Here’s two examples:

1. Some fractional ownership sites morph into communities as individuals become acquainted via sharing. People may share rarely-used tools or other objects atDIYFractional. The natural next step is for those local communities to get networked, creating, for example,NeighborhoodGoods.

Others meet online to share specific, big ticket items including second homes, luxury cars or motorcycles, and evenjets. Common interests and conversation beget community. See how you can adapt one kind of community design or purpose to serve another?

2. SheSpeaks provides a community of women with free samples of products that interest them in exchange for providing candid, specific feedback to the makers of those products.

Of course it helps to be the best at several things – for the people in your community.  Be the best place to:

•  Get answers, referral and/or recommendations

•  Buy and sell

•  Collectively advocate

•  Start a smaller special group within the larger community

•  Collaborate in some specific way that is facilitated in the community:

-       Cross-consult

-        Co-create a tip sheet, fundraiser, for-members-only service, product to sell, etc.

-        Crowdsource your niche

Can you imagine hosting an online gathering place related to your interest? It could be pro bono work, as your service to that community. Alternatively it could be your self-organized moonlighting job, perhaps in partnership with others — or it might morph into a full-time calling or job.

If you’d like to explore these possibilities,  here’s some places to learn more about cultivating an active, online community. For interviews, tips and strategies about community management for all kinds of communities, visitThe Community Roundtable hosted by Rachel Happe and Jim Storer. For pithy, practical tips see Rich Milligan atFeverbee, Managing Communities’ author Patrick O’Keefe and community strategist Angela Connor. If your interest relates to a cause or non-profit there’s  no better place to start than at Beth Kanter’s blog. If you want your online community boost your company ties to key stakeholders, see Connie Bensen.

And, since community-building is all about specific, apt ways to collaborate see this  collaboration daily paper curated from over 100 experts — and create your own community-centered paper.

Also peruse these lists of collaboration-related resources and books and tools, where you can add your own favorites — and create your own community-attracting list. For non-profit communities Beth Kanter’s blog is a great place to start. Connie Benson has insights about company-centered community management. Follow Kare on Twitter at @kareanderson

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What we learn from those times is vital in an information-flooded, connected world - and that's a good thing.

The most common and satisfying ways we learn and invent are not from sitting in a classroom seat being taught or trained. The world is too complex and fluid now to keep up with everything all by yourself.

That doesn't mean that we aren't sought-after for our mastery of a topic or skill. It simply means we stay relevant when we engage in projects with diverse others, learning and experimenting as we go. Like children we still learn best by observing, imitating, re-mixing, making fresh mistakes and, most of all, by playing and using our imagination - with others.

That's why the book, A New Culture of Learning, by John Seely Brown and Douglas Thomas, two long time lovers of social learning-by-doing is so relevant today -- for students of all ages, in school, at work and involved with the causes and projects that most matter to us.

While their book is aimed at transforming learning in schools every concept I read can be equally applied to any part of our lives - lived well with others. If you'd like to see the next chapters of your life as the kind of adventure story you co-create with others and want a bigger voice in the role you play - literally - read and share this book with those you think will make engrossing, imaginative playmates.

Some of my favorite quotes from this book:

• The new culture of learning gives us the freedom to make the general personal and then share our personal experience in a way that, in turn, adds to the general flow of knowledge.

• In the new culture of learning, people learn through their interaction and participation with one another in fluid relationships that are the result of shared interests and opportunity.

• Play is the tension between the rules of the game and the freedom to act within those rules. When play happens while learning it creates a context in which information, ideas and passions grow.

• The important thing about the Harry Potter phenomenon is not so much what the kids were learning, but how they were learning. Thought there was no teacher in this setting, readers engaged in deep, sustained learning from one another through their discussions and interactions.

• In a world of near constant flux, play becomes a strategy for embracing change rather than a way of growing out of it.

• The challenge is to find ways to marry structure and freedom to create altogether new things.

• Study groups dramatically increase the success of college students in the classroom.

•  The connection between the personal and the collective is a key ingredient in lifelong learning.

• When information is stable, the explicit dimension becomes very important. The speed of light, for example, is probably not going to change....The twenty-first centry, however, belongs to the tacit. In the digital world we learn by doing, watching, and experiencing... not by taking a class or reading a manual.

• Students learn best when they are able to follow their passion and opeate within the constraints of a bounded environment. Without the boundary set by the assignment there would be no medium for growth.

• Indwelling is a familiarity with ideas, practices and processes that are so ingrained that they become second nature. When engaging the learner, we must think about her sense of indwelling, because that is her greatest source of inspiration, but it is also the largest reservoir she has of tacit knowledge.

• Dispositions indicate how a student will make connections on a tacit level... how she is likely to learn.

• Learning from others is neither new nor revolutionary; it has just been ignored by most of our educational institutions...

 ... and, I would add, by most of our organizations.

From the people under 30 who grew up studying and playing in groups I have enjoyed playing and co-creating on everything from business start-ups to models of more effectively serving causes. I hope that a version of this book is put up online for shareable input from us all - commenting, adapting, re-mixing the ideas, thus turning it into an ecosystem where we can hone our ideas on the new culture of, not "just" learning but also inventing and co-creating better ways to work and play together.

See the full gallery on Posterous

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… and enable them to gain bragging rights about their experience with you and your place or event.

Was it the butterscotch-colored walls, light coconut scent wafting through the door as I opened it or the cushy island of deep blue carpet under my feet as I stepped into the boutique hotel? I don't know yet I instinctively sighed with relief. And that was before I saw the the smiling doorman walking towards me, saying, “We’re glad that you’re safely out of that storm. Let me help you with your coat, if you like, and your bag.” 

The lobby was light with the soft, full-spectrum lights that store make-up counters have, making us all look and feel our best.

Hint: Positive sensory cues multiple their emotional effect when we feel more than one at once or in quick succession.

In fact, without my knowing it at the time, that doorman looked more handsome and caring than I would have experienced him if the entry to that hotel had shiny metal railings, an elaborately patterned carpet and/or a dark colored wall. Further, since the “closing scene” when I left the hotel the next morning was as a positive as the opening scene, I tended to forget the slow room service or  cramped bathroom, according to research on the power of the sequence of events within an experience - from a vacation to a colonscopy. 

That’s why it behooves anyone who wants their guests, customers, conferenceattendees or families at home to feel welcome, brag about their experience and act nicely to storyboard the sequence of multi-sensory experiences that those they serve or love experience in their “place.”

Even apparently small physical experiences make a big emotional and even learning difference. Adapt these multi-sensory cues to emotionally engage with others: 

1. Children “are better at math when using their hands while thinking,” found to Josh Ackerman, a MIT psychologist. Further, the weight, texture and hardness of objects we touch affects our opinion of the people and the situation.

2. Actors recall lines better when moving and we remember more when walking, gesturing, eating or physically working on something.

3. “People are more generous after holding a warm cup of coffee and more callous after hold a cold drink,” discovered Yale University psychologist John Bargh.

4. Patterns, whether on the walls or floor or upper part of one’s clothing, break up the observers’ attention span and, like ambient noise in a room from the heating or air conditioning system, make us more agitated and inclined to become irritated by each other’s behavior.

 5. Scent is the most directly emotional sense and thus a two-edge sword. If the evoked memory is positive it hits deeply and, if not….well, we are more likely to project bad characteristics on the scene and individuals around us.

6. Enable people to engage in the scenes or objects around them and gain bragging rights as a consequence. Have a “What’s next for you?” sign on a large bowl of positive sayings or fortunes near places where they must wait or pause, such as check-in areas.  Staff can encourage them to read theirs aloud. (The more actions we take on behalf of something the more deeply they believe in it, identify with it and will share it with others.)

7. Encourage colleagues to stand and walk side-by-side with those you serve this "sidling" is more likely to evoke a convivial  “us” feeling.

 8. Create a story about your region, place, interactive object or monument or event, hopefully involving humorous, heroic or otherwise emotional incidents andindividuals, where you can invite those you serve to become a part of that story, asPeter Gruber suggests.

They may become a part  of "our" story when they can participate your custom ritual, receive your souvenir as a gift, eat the snack that’s part of the story or you take a photo of them in front of the scene on the wall that represents a highlight of our story – and email it to them after they leave.

9. Continue to keep them involved with “our story.” Use geosocial apps that enable them to connect with each other  - and your staff - as they walk through your store, hotel, hospital, sports arena or event. That’s what DoubleDutch did for TED conference attendees. And use augmented reality apps, as in Tuscany, yet to enable people to discover more about your area, place or meeting.

What multi-sensory cues have you used to involve people in your place, event or other experience?  Also let's share ways to say it better on Twitter. I am @kareanderson.

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Reinventing himself when he arrived at college Sam, “who had never had much luck with women” successfully beguiled a string of women into one-night stands, leaving his male friends shaking their heads in wonder because the women, though dumped, saw him as “sensitive, caring and sweet.” Also odd, Sam took up the habit of frequently washing his hands.

Now this might make you sufficiently curious to read the book in which this story is told, Out of Character. As you might have anticipated, Sam was subconsciously wiping his hands of guilt. A Macbeth effect for a man who’s dorm room was untidy.

Consider the sexual foibles of Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods and others. Yet, under the right circumstances we women can act as badly men. In fact, rather than acting heroically or evil we are all influenced by context and cues much of the time, according to the co-authors of this book.  Blame it our brain in constant combat, between the emotional and rational side. Yet understanding how we can convince ourselves to cheat, then minutes later, condemn others for the exact same behavior(another experiment in the book) can lead us to make more moral choices that serve us well in the long run, if not always in the tempting moment. And to stand up to bad behavior as Dan Weiss did at the Kennedy Center.

Here are three more examples of how we can be influenced to act badly – or better:

1. When angry people are more likely to see guns in the situation.

2. Experiment subjects are asked to watch video vignettes, some saw a skit from Saturday Night Live  and others got stuck watching part of a dull documentary of a quiet Mexican village. Then all were  asked how they would respond to a situation in which they are standing on a footbridge adjacent to trolley tracks. The only way they can save the lives of five men further down the tracks is to push a nearby, burly man off the bridge and onto the tracks, thus stopping the train.

Those who watched the SNL skit were three times more likely to push the man onto the tracks. What made the difference was the emotional state the videos evoked just before they were asked.  Those who watched the SNL skit felt upbeat and were thus able to overcome their aversion to killing one person to save five. They operated from their rational mind – thinking it made logical sense. Yet emotional contagion can influence our behavior in many ways. We are inclined  to belittle the next person we are around after we treated that way, for example. Co-author, David DeSteno suspects that “we act honorably—to the extent that we do—because we feel we should, not because we think we should.”

3. Sitting in a waiting room with a dirty rug, wall paintings askew and a dirty tissue on a table means you are considerably more likely to view the person who comes up to help you as not only less attractive but also less well-intentioned and skilled. You justify your less gracious behavior.  To warm others up towards you, consider storyboarding the multi-sensory cues that  people experience at your store, workplace, event or home.

Imagine the implications for our behaviors and settings at work or home. Later in the book see how you can view someone’s actions as arrogance or justifiable pride, depending on whether you believe that person knows what she or he is doing. Those asked, for example, about George Bush or Barack Obama’s actions are seeing them through the lens of their opinions about each one.  Similarly we are more likely to feel compassionate towards those with whom we can identify – they act and look like us.

That probably does not surprise you.

Yet when soldiers from vastly different backgrounds march together just once, they see and describe themselves as more alike and take more actions to support each other. One march does that.  Synchrony. It happens even when individuals in a study are asked to tap their hands in sync, some tap along with one person, others follow a different person.  Afterwards they answered questions that indicated they liked the people who tapped with them more than the others.  Makes you think of what you might want do when first convening a project team or starting the family off on a vacation?

Especially when I was younger I was astonished by heroes with feet of clay, not looking inward at my own incongruent actions. Coward or hero? Chaste or promiscuous? Bigoted or tolerant? We’ve played many roles.  As Dan Gilbert notes, “the hero and the villain that live inside each of us.” Reading this book is a fresh reminder that we all act “out of character” sometimes in ways that can make us ashamed or proud, depending on whether our emotional or rational brain is in the driver’s seat. We need both and David DeSteno and Piercarlo Valdesolo helped me see ways to balance them.

If you, too, are fascinated by what influences how we act towards each other then you may also enjoy Sway, Nudge,Multiplicity, Tell to Win, Influence, Just Listen, and Smart Choices.

See links here http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2011/04/10/i-was-completely-surprised-by-his-behavior/

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Unconditional love is a swell idea yet admit it. Aren’t there times you’d like to change other’s behavior? Get them to act right, like you. Or perhaps you’d like to drop a bad habit. Then learn how to “nudge.”

That’s a situational prompt that sways people to change.

For example, the traditional approach to getting drivers to reduce speed are those portable signs stationed at the side fo the street, showing how fast you are driving.

This is a shame or fear-based method. Instead, evoke pride or humor – or make it easier to do the right thing. In places in the UK, those signs don’t just tell drivers their speed. They smile at cars under the limit, and frown at cars over the limit.

Make the Right Option More Pleasurable Than the Other One

To encourage people to get exercise by taking the stairs instead of the elevator, one inventive group made the stairs sunnier and another made it more fun (piano stairs experiment) to walk than stand on the elevator.

Appeal to Our Better Nature

To motivate more people to wash their hands in the restroom two signs were

added, one for women and a more blunt one for men.

Instead of telling motorists to stop acting bad with “Don’t Litter” signs the state of Texas had much greater success by appealing to Texans’ pride, with signage saying “Don’t mess with Texas.”

Make it Easier to Do the Right Thing

If you worked for an organization that offered automatic payroll deduction for savings you’d be much more likely to save if the system was one where you had to opt-out than how they usually are set up – you must opt in to save. So discovered the authors of Nudge.

What nudge will you try to improve behavior – yours or others? See links to this post at http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2009/10/18/how-to-nudge-others-to-act-“right”/

Follow Kare on Twitter @KareAnderson

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Even when blindfolded, when touched just fleetingly we often recognize the emotion behind it. Even when touched by a stranger. Those touched in the study could identify the emotion (from eight, ranging from disgust to sympathy) more often than could happen by chance. Yet they were touched just five seconds.

More surprising to me, is that we are more likely to guess the right emotion that’s being expressed by someone’s touch than we can by hearing their voice or seeing their facial expression.

These three findings may startle you too:

• Men tended to avoid touching the face “and then only to express

anger or disgust at women and sympathy for other men.

• Women touched faces frequently to express anger, sadness and disgust for both (genders) “and to convey fear and happiness to men.”

We have a deep hunger human contact. Touch is the most direct, visceral path of contact with one another.

Yet Americans are among the most touch-adverse of all cultures, except with our closest family and friends.

In fact, increasingly schools have formal a Hands Off policy. “Even high-fiving and pats on the back have been outlawed” so we can protect youth from violence. The lesson, learned at an early age, is that adults would rather protect them from a problem (bullying and other violence) than help them with an opportunity (closeness and friendship). It’s easier to manage.

I can’t help but wonder if this cultural phobia is connected to the rise in loneliness. This is worth closer studyas loneliness may be as dangerous to one’s health as smoking.

Even smiling keeps us better connected with each other. In fact, just from looking at a yearbook photo, one can predict with some accuracy whether a person will divorce later in life,” claims Matthew Hertenstein, Director of the Touch and Emotion Lab at DePauw University.

But let’s end on an up note.

“Men soothe their loneliness with computers, women do it with pets,” says the co-author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, John Cacioppo. In addition to his loneliness-relieving “make friends” tips why not literally get in touch more often every day?

Mind you, I still get itchy just thinking about popular Leo Buscaglia’s well-intended notion that we should greet everyone with a bear hug, including strangers. (“You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug.“) Hugging everyone one meets negates the notion of touch having special meaning.

Yet why not hug your friends – and those to whom you are instinctively drawn? Shake hands with a smile when greeting colleagues.

As my Dad says, you seldom know if this time will be the last time you see that person.

Let’s stay in touch. (See links to this post here http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2009/08/15/i-knew-what-you-meant-when-you-touched-me/

Meanwhile let's connect via Twitter: @KareAnderson

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Out driving you spot a pothole or tree branch in the road. What if you could use your phone to photograph it, with the location noted via GPS, then type a quick note re the problem and forward both via an application on your phone that enables your Twitter account to route it to the right agency? That makes being a good citizen easy and worthwhile. San Jose’s launching this service.

FixMyStreet offers another option. It lets people report, view and discuss problems based on mapping mash-ups.

A silver lining in the current, wrenching city government budget cuts is that politicans are desperate for ways to save money. Thus some are more open to using such citizen-involving technology to increase efficiency and involve citizens.

In Vancouver citizens can get an email alert to remind them to put their garbage out. In Seattle you can sign up for government RSS feeds and get information sent directly to your phone or mobile device. Several departments, including fire, police and transportation provide Twitter feeds too.

EveryBlock relies on location-based data to inform citizens about crimes, restaurant inspections and new permits, all mixed in with news and information provided by bloggers and volunteer journalists.

Does your business serve a local market? Do you care about your town or neighborhood? Want to stand out and serve? If your town government doesn’t step up to the plate you could launch a simple town-centered social media site using free tools:

Ning, Twitter and Posterous. Encourage local groups to form on the site for their civic (Rotary) or special interest (dog parks) group or project, departmental program or citizen protest. Other group topics might range from block-level news exchanges to anticrime block watches to volunteer sign-ups for civic events. Use other free tools like Zoomerang and SurveyMonkey to survey citizens on issues. Bill Schrier suggests more tools.

Libraries have become helpful places for less tech-savvy citizens to learn how to use these online tools.

Rather than look at a government Web site with menus and channels, citizens should enter the public sector through a map that visually shows everything from transit and crime information to locations for social services or election information. “People care about place,” notes FortiusOne CTO Andrew Turner. They don’t care about agencies or programs. One of their app maps for Washington, D.C. maps provides information for locating crime-infested neighborhoods and crisis response information. Another remarkable geospatial service, Virtual Alabama, provided integrated public safety, emergency management solution, born in the wake of Katrina.

Melbourne and San Jose are using wikis to make it easier for citizens to become involved in city planning.

Philadelphia’s new CIO, Allan Frank “sees the city’s 311 hotline as a transformational tool that will allow the city to move from functioning as a ‘service request operation’ that responds to incoming complaints and queries, toward a more proactive work-order management operation that anticipates customer service needs in a timelier fashion.”

To make your town’s information and operations more understandable, citizen responsive and efficient several companies are going geospatial. That means they are mashing maps and government data together. They are doing this by creating applications with free and open APIs. That means application programming interfaces.

Imagine the value of your town getting a custom template of any of these applications.

If your town government doesn’t step up to the plate you could launch a simple town-centered social media site using free tools: Ning, Twitter and Posterous. Encourage local groups to form on the site for their civic (Rotary) or special interest (dog parks) group or project, departmental program or citizen protest. Other group topics might range from block-level news exchanges to anticrime block watches to volunteer sign-ups for civic events. Use free tools like Zoomerang and SurveyMonkey to survey citizens on issues. Bill Schrier suggests more tools.

What ways could your cash-crunched town use online and mobile technology to reduce costs, become more efficient or offer you more value or make it easier for you to hear about city events or volunteer for a commission? For more fresh ideas take a look at the Learning Pool and also see the local government’s equivalent of the Grammy awards for citizen-serving uses of the web.

See links to this post at http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/2009/09/20/making-your-town-feel-more-like-a-community/

... and follow Kare on Twitter at @KareAnderson

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